Go With Your Flow

Sunday February 24, 2019

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Good morning and happy Sunday! Happy birthday to those celebrating today!! It’s another day in the crystal valley, another day to be thankful for this life. Do you celebrate your aliveness?! Every day as we wake we have the opportunity to celebrate our aliveness. I don’t do it enough. I haven’t been using the mantra lately because I felt I didn’t need it but these are the best times to practice because on the days I do need it, if I’m practiced, it will come easier.

Hey I’m awake! The law of attraction is beginning again! And as I was slumbering my point of attraction ceased. And now, in this moment, I get to choose what to focus upon. What would be a good thing for me to focus on?

Don’t know what to think about? What to focus on? It’s not always that easy to change our thoughts when we are used to being stressed and thinking worrying thoughts, but it is very possible. It is possible to every being. Each. One. Of. Us. We can change our thoughts to good things, things that make us feel good about life. We can use our thinking mind to heal ourselves and others. We just have to bump those bad feeling thoughts out of the way, lovingly, thanking them for wanting to protect us because that’s all they really do, and focus on things that make your heart sing, things that make you smile and breath that gentle sigh of ahh yes everything is good. Here I am breathing, alive, and I can choose to smile and have good thoughts. It is challenging, but isn’t that why we’re here? Accept the challenges. It is the path of least resistance. If it is shown to you, then it is yours to learn something from.

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Alright it’s 6:39am, the birds have been chirping for a few minutes now and the cats are ready for breakfast. Then for us it will be meditation followed by some yoga before we have breakfast and get on with our day. Love these early morning hours, feel their gentleness and allow the dim morning light to slowly wake you.

Have a wonderful Sunday!

Love,

Jen

Saturday February 23, 2019

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Good morning and happy Saturday! Happy birthday to those celebrating today!!

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My family is on my mind today, not my new family but my old family. Growing up I never really felt close to anyone in my family and when I reached adulthood I was just expected to create relationships out of nowhere just because I’m older? I have struggled with this, always fearing I was doing something wrong. Now, at 36, I’m beginning to let go of my fear of judgment. If anyone has a problem with how I live my life, they can come talk to me about it. My sister does, but she’s not great with confrontation so her way of talking to me about it is to send me emails. I’ve responded to these in the past and it only leads to more conflict, neither of us is being heard the way we want to be, and nothing is ever resolved. If you want to resolve something you’ve got to talk to someone face to face. I responded to her long Facebook messages as best I could. She wants me to understand her expectations for me and that she has a right to have those expectations, and I should follow her expectations? I am curious to what sort of resolution she had in mind when explaining how she would like me to play a role in her life. A lot of it had to do with me being an aunt to her children. As an aunt I’m expected to uphold the roll in the way that my sister views it. I don’t know if there is a way to sum up the problem other than we are very different humans and at this point in our lives we just still can’t seem to understand or accept each other.

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This happens every day! And it happens to all kinds of people. We are all so different from one another. I think it’s important to stay focused on yourself. Drama clogs up my brain space and the ego loves it but my higher self knows it serves no purpose.

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I expressed my feelings of how she was trying to control me, she did not like that. In fact, she wrote me one final email that I did not respond to because there was nothing I could say or want to say. It was filled with judgment and criticism and I know it’s a reflection of how she feels and I want to be compassionate, but she was swimming through the past and I am not joining her there. She doesn’t like how I’m living my life or doesn’t understand it or is jealous, I’m not sure, but it makes communicating with her difficult. She is a manipulator, whether she’s aware of it or not. And since I wasn’t crying and apologizing and doing what she wanted me to do she cut me out of her life. I am okay with it. My ego just has to catch up. It’s never easy when you know someone thinks negatively of you, especially when it’s someone in your close family. Oh do I want to be so right! But it’s not about that. It’s about understanding her pain and keeping the boundaries clear. I have been there for her often but she doesn’t think about those times, she thinks about the times she thinks I should be there when I’m not. It’s self-destructive thinking and I hope she heals from it.

Friday February 22, 2019

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Boy oh boy was I irritated this morning! Waking to slight cramps I got out of bed around 5am today and immediately was irritated. Picked up stuff in the living room very annoyed. Walked down the stairs to the kitchen shaking my head at myself, “Hey I’m awake and extremely annoyed. Yea yea I can choose how I feel. Real nice Jen, way to start your morning off.” I remained irritated for over an hour, just mad. Do I want to be that way? No. Is it easy to be that way? Way too easy. There’s something in being mad that makes us feel right. We are right to be mad, and whatever made us mad is wrong. It’s all ego, as far as I can see. Ego wants to be right, ego loves to be right. What’s a better time for ego to shine than when it’s been violated and it has proof!? Oh boy, watch out. My ego loves to get me all riled up with all the little things I have no control over. Where to go from here? Being mad feels good in a way because we’re expressing how we feel, hopefully. Have you ever been mad and NOT expressed it? It is much worse. It hurts my throat. It hurts my brain. It hurts my nervous system because it leaves me in fight or flight. I tend to choose flight, the problem with that is that I don’t actually fly away I just try to mentally fly away and that doesn’t always work when you’re in the thick of the bad vibes. If you don’t literally go away from the problem, then are you even “flying away” from it? Fighting versus flying has never gone well for me so I fear it. I was never taught to be a noble fighter. I guess it’s time to teach myself now.

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It’s 6:49am and I’m feeling a little better. I got my period not too long after I was up. Happy Friday by the way! Happy birthday to anyone celebrating today!! Another cloudy February morning, no sunrise viewing this morning. It’s time to revitalize some water for coffee and gear up for yoga and meditation before breakfast. Have a wonderful day all of you.

Love,

Jen